I am not usually one to post a lot of writing on my blog but I just had some thoughts I wanted to get off my head. I have never really had a problem with change. Going from single to married to married with kids was no problem. I enjoyed moving from place to place and I especially loved changing personal things, like my hair, my decorations, etc. It has only been recently I have grown to not like change. When I spend time thinking about old memories I begin to long for those times and I feel that it is change that has made those times not exist any more.
I love to think about all the time growing up that I got to spend with my family. The special intimate times that I hold so dear. Like staying up late talking/bugging my parents. Times I got to spend one on one with a brother. Vacation memories. Holiday memories. I love to think about these and then I realize I will never get to experience these again I ache to have them back.
Sure I can look on the bright side and be grateful that at least I have these memories and there are many more to be made. I just know that change is what has stopped them and change is coming and is going to make these particular moments fewer and more difficult to come by. When my brother Kyle returns from his mission I am afraid things will be so completely different from 2 years prior. And I don't like the change.
Part of the change I feel coming is that we are now in the next stage of life. We have no babies no diapers. All of our children are talking walking independent children. Pretty close to ending the toddler stage too. In a year and they will all be in school. Maybe it sounds to some like perhaps we are not done having babies but with how the spirit is communicating to us it feels better to be done than to think of having more. My point of bringing it up is that I just feel like this is part of a major changing period in our life considering it was about this time of year that our baby would have been born thus extending the baby phase.
I have always been close to my family and I feel everyone should be close to their families. Now, though, with this great change I feel I am having to cut the strings even more and I don't want to. I want to through a ginormous toddler fit and stomp my feet and scream "NO!"
At this point I turn to Joe and think 'with him I can get through because he is really who I chose'. I love him and I love my children. I love having this family I have. And may all this change make us a stronger closer family. I have been telling myself it is time to grow up and realize I am a grown woman (that sounds so weird, I'm sure I am just a young lady still) with growing children a loving family to whom I am Mother over.
To the point, my family is splitting up (no pun intended). My brothers and their wives are planning on moving and that is understandable but it still sucks. One set of parents is for sure moving although not to drastic a move and the other threats on moving somewhere warmer and I hate it. And who knows where Kyle and perhaps a wife will go? Probably Rexburg at first.
I always found myself lucky to live in a family where we all lived in the same town. The support and closeness we share I felt was how it should always be. I have always felt bad that Joe's family was so separated and found it very interesting that one sibling preferred it that way. No offense. I just really like having my family close where getting together can happen so easily.
I blame the uncertainty on the economy. I do really understand that whatever the future holds is for the best but right now I am sad. I love my family and I hate the thought of it breaking up. Blackfoot and Poky are far enough.
With all that griping said I will finish with a favorite quote, "If there were no CHANGE, there would be no butterflies."
Getting together when our special guests come to town.
Gathering for birthday parties
Playing outside together.
